Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize