I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize