Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
