i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
