dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
