My liver just broke up with me...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
