Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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