Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
