i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Randomize
