I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
