No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
