tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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