I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
