they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
