porn star boner night. come get it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
