We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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