Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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