she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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