who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
