Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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