We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
