You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
