You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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