my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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