3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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