I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
