thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
