the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
