Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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