I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
