i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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