yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
