you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
