And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
