You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
