Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
