some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
