i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
