The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
