Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
