She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
