I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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