i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
