So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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