omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
