Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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