So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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