And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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