is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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