...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
