You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
