I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
