i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
