if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
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So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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