Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
