you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize