I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
