Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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