Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
