tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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