Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
