My balls are so social today.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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