You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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