i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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